Being in a long-term relationship is amazing in a lot of ways. You know your partner truly cares about you and always has your back, plus, it means you’ve always got someone to hang out with. But even if bae is also your BFF, being in a long-term, monogamous relationship can get a little bit routine for anyone.
If lately you’ve been sensing that perhaps your partner is getting bored with your relationship , try not to worry too much. Time can do that , and it might not necessarily mean that there’s anything inherently wrong with your relationship. It may just mean that the comfortable routine that you forged together can get a little stale. The good news is that you can do something about it, and oftentimes, just mixing things up, trying new things, and putting in the effort to bring back some of that new relationship energy is all it takes.
However, in order to do those things, you first need to know how to recognize the signs that the relationship is getting a little stale for your partner. I reached out to experts Demetrius Figueroa , founder of the blog A Mighty Love, and Grace Lee, co-founder of A Good First Date Online, to help break down they ways to recognize your partner is getting bored, and what to do about it. Here’s what they had to say.
1. THEY SHOW A GENERAL LACK OF EXCITEMENT
If your partner used to get excited about doing things together, but that spark seems to have faded, Figueroa tells Naijaparry it’s time to take a closer look at the relationship.
“One warning sign is a general lack of enthusiasm for things they were once enthusiastic to do with you,” Figueroa says. “When your partner becomes bored with the relationship, even the more exciting things you’d do together become rote. If you used to plan exciting weekly date nights at local hotspots and they just don’t seem into doing those sort of things anymore, that’s a sure sign that they’re becoming bored.”
2. THEY’VE LOST INTEREST IN TRYING NEW THINGS
How often do you and your partner try new things together? Figueroa says if this desire to share new experiences has faded, it’s likely a sign that your SO is bored. “If your partner used to be open to trying new things, whether it’s date venues or activities, and now they just want to do the same thing over and over, it’s a sign that they’re bored with the relationship,” he explains. “It might sound counter-intuitive, but you can become bored with a relationship if doing something new becomes routine.”
3. THEY WANT TO SPEND LESS TIME WITH YOU
Are you finding more and more often that your partner is making excuses to spend time apart? If so, Lee tells Naijaparry this may mean that your partner would rather be elsewhere.
“If they are spending less time with you, [are] going out with their friends, or are just ‘busy’ — [or if they are] less present when you are together, then boredom could be a root cause,” Lee says.
4. THEY STOP ASKING QUESTIONS
When you’re with someone new, everything about them is fascinating. You can talk for hours just getting to know one another. While that tends to die down a bit over time, there should always be some level of curiosity — even if it’s just about how their day was. “When your partner becomes bored in the relationship, they’re likely to become less and less inquisitive about you,” explains Figueroa. “They’ll stop asking about your day, likely because they’re bored hearing about it. They’ll stop asking you what’s new with you because they’ve lost all the excitement your answers used to bring them.”
5. THEY ARE GLUED TO THEIR PHONES WHEN YOU’RE TOGETHER
We are all guilty of looking at our phones too much, but when your partner is almost always engaged with their screen rather than with you, Figueroa says this is a sign that they’re probably bored. Figueroa calls this behavior “alone-time together.”
“If your partner has become bored with your relationship, they may continue to spend a lot of time physically with you, but they’ll do things that they could easily do alone,” he explains. “You may be sitting in the same room, but they’re scrolling through their social media feeds, or listening to podcasts, rather than just talking to you or enjoying something together. Alone time is important in relationships, but so is quality time together.”
6. THEY TELL YOU THEY’RE BORED
There are a lot of subtle ways that your partner may be showing you that the relationship has gotten stale, but the clearest and most common sign, according to Lee, is that they’ll just say so. “More often than not, the most obvious sign that your partner is bored is that they tell you,” Lee says. “Sometimes it’s a minor complaint like: ‘We don’t go out anymore’ and other times it can be blunt and obvious: ‘I’m bored.’” If they say it, believe them.
WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT
Realizing that your partner is losing in interest in the relationship can be a tough pill to swallow, but Figueroa assures Naijaparry there is still plenty of hope. “If you’ve gotten to the point where you feel like your partner has lost interest in your relationship, you should be concerned, but it is salvageable ,” he says. “The first step is to address things openly, without accusations.”
Figueroa’s advice, in addition to talking to your partner about what you are feeling, is to break out of your routine . “For some people, the cure for boredom in a relationship is a break in routine. For others, it’s more spontaneity from their partners,” he says. “Stop going to the same places for date nights, surprise your partner with displays of affection they might not be expecting, or do the dishes after you cook since you rarely do the dishes,” suggests Figueroa. Sometimes, it really is just the simple gestures that can help get your relationship back on track. “Curing boredom in a relationship doesn’t have to mean spending tons of money traveling to new places or buying new things, it can be as simple as an unexpected text telling them how much you appreciate them and can’t wait to see them,” he says.
Ultimately, boredom is just one of those things that can learn to work through together, as a couple, if you want your relationship to stand the test of time. Fortunately, it is one that’s surmountable. Rather than see it as a problem, perhaps you’re better off looking at it from Lee’s perspective: “Relationship problems are an opportunity to grow as an individual [and] as a couple. They say that relationships are hard work, but with hard work comes reward.” I couldn’t agree more.