To every prospective husband or wife out there looking to get into the institution of marriage, it is important to outline some various steps that are present in every marriage.
You must be very vigilant as you will surely encounter some of these stages in your marriage. And as the popular saying goes “Knowledge is better than riches’’ and to avoid a divorce you must be careful with the second stage, remember he who urinates in a stream must bear in mind that his family will drink from the water.
Remember that in every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find and continue to find grounds for marriage.
The following are some steps every newly married couple must pass through as they journey into the institution of marriage
1. The Fantasy Stage: This is the stage where everything is looking all rosy, you just got married to this love of your life and you feel butterflies in your stomach anytime he touches you, anytime you see him around you feel you are already in heaven. This stage is always experienced at the beginning of a marriage, say the first 4-5 years of a marriage. The couples, here, love each other in a world of fantasy, everything looks like a Romeo and Juliet scripted movie. It is like when you buy a new shoe, you want to put it on always, if possible you might even want to wear it to bed. Wait until the shoe starts peeling from underneath and let’s see if you will still wear the shoe like you will normally do.
2. The Reality Check Stage: This stage is the stage I call the ‘’see finish’’ stage. In this stage, the reality starts becoming obvious, you suddenly start seeing those hidden unpleasant things you didn’t see in him/her when you guys were dating and doing all that Prince Charming thing. You start realizing how the girl is bad in bed, how she cannot cook a decent meal, for the females, you start noticing how he can’t wash his clothes, how he is lazy and all that. It is at this stage, you will hear stuff like “Oh this is not the man I married.” Madam calm down, this is the man you married, it’s just that reality has set in. This stage is very important in the life of every marriage, how you react to this stage goes a long way in making or marring your marriage. This stage is usually after 5 years of the marriage when eye don clear. But this is where patience and tolerance come in, yes because if you tell people to live together, you have indirectly given them the mandate to quarrel. A patient person is patient enough to gain longevity. This stage can either lead to a stronger happier marriage or can lead straight up to divorce.
3. Rebellion/Maturity Optimization: This stage is actually a result of the previous stage. What happens here is largely determined by the previous stage. It is either you become rebellious in the marriage, or your both grow in maturity. At this point, most marriages are already heading for the rocks, as the partners become disinterested in each other, everything he does, irritates you, even the gifts he brings home, looks like an abomination, you suddenly feel like leaving his house immediately, you automatically turn into a rebel, always rebelling against your partner. All you need at that point is just a peacekeeping mission, but then two disinterested crocodiles can never agree. On the other hand for those who have mastered the art of understanding reality this is just a step to optimizing their maturity level, they get closer and closer in this stage, they become more of siblings than just husband and wife, they know, respect and tolerate each other’s strength and weakness, to outsiders, the marriage at this point is looking like those beautiful love stories they see on TV, but then the child on the mother’s back doesn’t know how far the journey is.
4. Divorce/Fulfillment: This is the last stage, and what occurs in this stage is hugely dependent on the previous stage. After all the death that will kill a man begins as an appetite. It is either the rebellious partners call it quit or they continue in the marriage fulfilled. All oranges have the same skin, but not all oranges taste the same. All marriages look alike, but the challenges faced in these marriages differ, what matters is how you handle your own challenge. So many persons think divorce is a panacea for every marital illness but when they try it, they suddenly find out that the remedy is worse than the disease.