Welcome to the very festive month of December. It is that time of the year when christmas songs fill the air, prices compete with the clouds, when all your besties get married (or engaged) and you find yourself spending thousands on hair and aso-ebi. Most importantly, we are in that month where the main chicks get to flaunt their bae to the Family. And Facebook. And Instagram.

Today’s discussion centers on main chicks and side chicks. Let’s define the terms for the purpose of clarification– a main chick is the primary or number 1 chick, she’s the priority, she comes first and is put into consideration first. The side chick on the other hand is the opposite of the main chick, she is on the side, a second option, an alternative, and is considered only when it is convenient.

From my definition, the role of a side chick sounds unpleasant right? I think so too. But some ladies are comfortable being a side chick nowadays, in fact, it is convenient for them. They may even have their own ‘main guy” too and then it’s a case of being a side chick to a side guy… 50 50 God no go vex.

Unfortunately, some people don’t even know where they stand; whether they are a side chick/side guy or the main chick/main guy. Here are some useful tips to identify your place– if your ”supposed” guy/girl doesn’t make you priority, like he forgets to call you on important occasions such as your birthday or graduation (who forgets these dates really? Even your enemies remember these days) but he doesn’t forget that you guys planned to spend the weekend together, then you’re not the main, sorry.

Secondly, if he/she only calls you when it is convenient for them, they love to be the ones calling you, they tell you ”don’t return the call, I’ll call you later”, or they don’t want you to just show up in their business like that, sorry, you’re not the main.

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Again, if they never want you to meet the important people in their lives like their family and he/she never takes you on family occasions, sorry once again, you’re not the one… etc.

CAVEAT: This is not always the case

oh, but most times, it is. The instances are not exhausted though, there are so many ways to know your position. You might even be invited to family events or friends hangout and still be the side chick. Guys are smart like that, they know how to play their game well. Haven’t you heard a guy’s group of friends call a side chick ”iyawo wa” (our wife) when they know deep down that she is just the side chick and there’s a main chick chilling somewhere? Guys have PhD in that! All of you that do this, God is watching you oh, better desist from your deceit.

All of these is assuming you are not aware that you are a side chick/side guy. Innocent side chick/side guys…I feel for you. How about those that know their positions and are gladly comfortable in their space. They’ll frown seriously at the thought of another side chick coming into the picture. If the main chick is the married wife, they don’t even feel any kind of remorse, their conclusion is simple; ”she didn’t do her homework well and that’s why her man has me, she should be grateful”. Ehn, what did I hear ya say??? Well Dear Side Chick (who knows she is one and is proud), please be shameful. Thank you.

Just like me, do you also wonder if the main chick knows there is a side chick especially when the main chick is a married woman? I often wonder if a married woman knows her husband has a side chick and what her reaction will be when she knows her husband is someone else’s boyfriend! Irony right? While madam married woman is being loyal and all respectful to her husband, one smallie is ordering him around like a puppy, That’s your ”almighty” husband and father of your four lovely kids! The audacity some of these side chicks have ehn , fear them oh! They don’t need to use any diabolic nonsense on you, the thought that you may not service the congo is enough for you to do their bidding and they know that, so it’s their congo for your slavery. Choose one.

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For the married ones, please which would you rather prefer, a side chick or a one night stand (ONS)? I hate both, and I can’t deal, but if I were to choose between the Devil and the deep blue sea, I’ll pick…none abeg (fear catch me. Hehehe). Let us analyze both; A one night stand might just be anybody, a road side chick or a hustler; Arrrrgh, I cringe at the thought of one’s husband with a nobody, that’s below the belt for me. Imagine he is ”decent” enough to do an ONS once every month, please how many people will that amount to every year? 12 different specie of human beings! No thank you, I’ll pass. With a side chick comes commitment and attention. She is like a co-wife.

Some side chicks are even more powerful than the main chick, such that main chick is always in a constant competition to protect her territory. No, thank you too. I’ll pass.

Truth is, the world in itself is a complex place. I don’t want to be my husband’s number 1, I want to be the only one abeg. That’s not too much to ask is it?

For the side chicks, please I have some questions to ask. What is the problem really? Confidence issues? Self-esteem problems? Wickedness? Please tell me? Why be number 2 when you can be number 1 or like me, the only one? Why settle for less when you can have it all? Why take someone’s own rather than have your own? Why gradually destroy someone’s happiness and home because you chose to steal from them? Who says you cannot have a man for yourself? Who says you cannot build your empire with your man (not someone else’s) and live happily ever after?

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Because…no matter how beautiful you are, you are not his wife. No matter how good in bed you are, he’ll still go back to his wife every night, no matter how good looking you are, he’ll never take you along to where it really matters…he’ll go with his wife and they’ll wear matching outfits tongue out and you’ll see the pictures. Well, few of his friends may acknowledge you as his babe, but the world doesn’t, they only know Mrs …, and while you sit there waiting for someone else’s husband, your own husband might just pass you by and except by divine intervention, you might just remain SINGLE and LONELY all your life. Sorry to burst your bubbles.


Yes oh, I had to stand up for married women who some single girls have placed in constant bitterness. And for those married men who wouldn’t leave single girls alone, maybe we should start praying that God should seize your sight till you repent of your promiscuity. Harsh right? LOL. I am just trying to protect the interest of other innocent single girls out there whom side chicks have given a bad name, and of course, I am trying to protect my future marriage too from the drama of extra marital affairs. Operation we don’t want philanders for a husband! Lord, drive them far far away, may our paths never cross…Amen.

Oya over to you…what’s your take on this issue? Who is to be blamed? Married men or the side chicks? Or equal blame? Will you prefer a side chick to a one night stand? Please let’s discuss.

Long article yeah? I had to rant small jor…

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