Does it bother you to think that your partner may have had other sexual partners before you? It is time to examine your feelings about it before a conflict arises in your relationship.
Sex is a deeply personal aspect of our lives. A healthy sex life between two monogamous partners is an indicator of their bond and commitment to each other. Whether most of us admit it or not, we place a high premium on being ‘exclusive’ with our partners – it is unthinkable to imagine that they might cheat on us with another person.
This brings us to the concept of virginity. Have you ever dwelled on the idea that your lover may have had other sexual partners before you? You may have dismissed the thought because what you have with your partner is precious – and you believe that their past is their business! But if it bothers you to think that your partner may have had sex with another person before you, or that you do not wish that they have had sex with anyone but you, then you need to rethink your ideas about virginity and sex before it becomes a point of contention between the two of you.
The emphasis on virginity
Many cultures around the world place a lot of importance on virginity; a virgin man or a woman who has never had sex. Many cultures believe that a person should be a virgin till they get married, and that their first (and only) sexual partner should be their spouse. The absence of virginity is seen as a sign of immoral character and a loss of the family’s honour.
A woman’s virginity is measured by whether she bleeds during the first time of sexual intercourse – this happens when her hymen (a thin membrane of skin inside the vagina) ruptures on penetrative intercourse.
However, there are many problems with this concept.
Firstly, the hymen may rupture even due to intense sports, or due to a genetic condition, or masturbation. Secondly, ‘sex’ can also constitute fondling and oral sex without actual penetration. So technically, a person who has had oral sex but not peno-vaginal sex is not a virgin – or are they? Conservative cultures insist on women undergoing virginity tests to ascertain if the woman that they wish their son to marry is an honourable woman. The virginity test entails checking for an intact hymen. Sexually active women who may wish to get married in this traditional fashion may then undergo a discreet hymen reconstruction surgery so as to avoid the complications arising from her husband finding out about her non-virgin status.
It’s all about you…
Do you feel that your partner’s virginity is a barometer of their ‘purity’ and honour? Or is your relationship with them so rock-solid that their past does not bother you? It is time to examine your feelings about this, and to discuss your concerns with your partner.