This one’s tricky, to differentiate a real relationship from one that’s fake. What really is a fake relationship? It’s an illusion that you have come to believe, illusion of a long lasting relationship. Many of us are in fake relationships, without even knowing. What you might be having is an affair, real relationships take a lot of efforts, no doubts there, but they are always better than fake ones in the long run.
There is a big difference between someone just saying those lovey-dovey things to you and someone that actually means those things. There are a lot of things that need to be considered in order to be in a ‘real relationship’ because one can easily manipulate someone and fool them into believing that they actually love them. Mostly people try to get in relationships just to get in their pants’, or it is more like a ˜time-pass’ kind of a thing.
Here are the red flags that you need to keep an eye out for and prevent yourself from being fooled.
1. The communication sucks
Good communication is a requisite for a healthy relationship, if you are in a relationship where you two barely communicate, you can’t recall the last time you had a heart to heart with your partner, you just text each other every once in a while, it’s just on and off, you are unaware of what’s going on in the other person’s life and it generally feels like you don’t know the other person then you’re not really in a relationship. You have formed a real bond only when you feel connected with your partner; emotionally, physically and mentally.
For example, if we talk about long distance relationships. The communication is kind of the only thing the two have. They don’t get to see each other every day, they don’t get to go on a date with each other either, texting and calling each other is the only thing they have.
Now, in order to stay together, they have to talk nearly all day long. You have to text them all the time to know what’s up’, you have to call quite often to know how they are doing, maybe a video call sometimes and go on a virtual’ date.
Anyway, be it a long distance one or a normal relationship, the communication has to be there. It doesn’t really mean you have to text your loved one every second of the day, but you should know what’s happening in their lives, how was their day and on and on and on. You have GOT to have those long night conversations every once a while. The time where only you two are together, there’s no one else to disturb, you two can’t stop talking with each other, opening up in front of each other, those are the real conversations you want.
If you get to know normal day-to-day things about YOUR loved one through social media or someone else, even their birthdays from a Facebook notification, you’re definitely not in a real relation.
2. Too much PDA
This might come as a surprise, you two are practically nibbling on each other, isn’t that a good thing? No, it isn’t. This is indicative of over-compensatory and ostentatious behaviour. You are trying to put on a show, a make-believe. It’s a way of maintaining the illusion that you guys have created, to lie to yourself and the others around you.
You might be in a fake relationship and still manage to hear things like; ‘What a perfect couple you guys are’, ‘You make us want to have a relationship’ etc. If you guys are not this crazy about each other in private but can’t keep your hands off each other as soon as you have company, then you have a few questions to ask.
This is not really something very unique, there are many real life couples that actually do this. They put up a show every time they are out hanging with their friends, or at a party, dinner or whatever it is. They hold each other and smile together when they are in front of other people but as soon as they get in the car to go back to their home, it’s totally the opposite. You both need to talk to each other, know what’s going in the wrong direction and ask each other questions like do you even want to stay with each other.
It is kind of sweet, seeing a couple holding hands or kissing. I mean, obviously, kissing in public shouldn’t be one of those prolonged ones that end up in making out, and there shouldn’t be grabbing in public either, but a little PDA is sweet. But this PDA can be very easily deceiving. Overcompensating for something going in your life in front of people is not something new, and it surely isn’t limited to relationships either. PDA can even, sometimes, seem forced. It’s a pretty common saying that, appearances can be deceiving.
So, it is not always the way it looks like, if you see a couple smiling and holding hands together out in public, doesn’t really mean they are happy together.
3. There are no remarkable moments
The relationship just feels ‘normal’, nothing special. You guys don’t have any exceptional memories together, there are no extra ordinary feelings attached to the time you guys spend together. This shouldn’t be the case, love is an exceptional feeling and if it feels anything less than amazing, you’re not really in love.
It doesn’t really have to be something really big, like a big event or moment, even small tiny things, like the inside jokes and having cute nicknames for each other, can mean a lot. There has to be something that you both can relate to, again, it doesn’t have to be big, something that can make you either remember a sweet memory or even laugh together.
Something that you see and makes you think about your partner, something that makes you miss them. For example, some post you see on a social networking site and it reminds you of that person and you tag them. It can be a video, song, picture or whatever. But I’m trying to say here is that, even something as little as a post on Facebook, can mean a lot.
It can be a movie you both saw together, a place you went to on your first date, or like I said, anything. But there HAS to be this ˜anything’ in your relationship, because if there isn’t anything like this, bad news, you’re in a fake relation.
You have to feel different when you are in the relationship with that person. A feeling that you have never experienced before. Because you can feel nice with a friend as well, you can have memories too but to have that unexplainable feeling is what you can get with a person you really love.
4. There is a lot of confusion
Initially, we all are a little hazy, not sure what to feel or if it’s okay to feel this way, unsure of your partner’s feelings, spending hours contemplating he loves me, he loves me not; but after you have spent notable time with your partner and you can’t really give substance to how you feel or if your partner truly loves you and you are not trying to do anything about this disarray of feelings and continue to profess love then this is a classic sign of a fake relationship.
This is one of the things that you really DON’T want to have in your head while in a relationship. There has to be trust and you have got to be completely sure about this person, because you want to spend your whole life with this particular person. Even if it takes asking your partner, if he loves you or not, a hundred times, do that. Be a hundred and ten percent sure about that person, and then decide. Because you don’t want to live with this confused feeling your whole life and end up regretting.
And it is not just them, YOU yourself have to be sure about them as well. You don’t have to lie to yourself and stay with that person just to make them happy or just because you were forced to. If you don’t feel certain about that person, go and talk to them and try to make them understand you, because sometimes it can happen that you fall for someone and after a couple of months, you realize that it’s not really the best idea for the both of you. So instead of lying to yourself and ruining the other person’s life as well, talk to them if you’re having doubts and then decide what to do.
Having those little confusions and misunderstandings are okay, everyone goes through them, you may even fight a couple of times with your partner over different things, but at the end of the day, you have got to have this feeling that, no matter what happens, he loves you and will stay with you!
5. Serious discussions are off limits
This is an extension of bad communication, a couple has silly conversations as well as serious discussions. You are wrong to think that a perfect relationship is one with no arguments and heated discussions, a happy couple talks about things that matter and it does not affect their love for each other. If you guys avoid having consequential conversations, talk about superficial things like the weather, then your relationship is too good to be true. If you really care about things, then there is no way you can go without arguments every now and then.
Opening up in front of someone is not really easy, telling that someone everything about you, your secrets, is not easy. Having that courage to open up in front of your partner is what’s needed. But if you two don’t know the real ins and outs about each other, for example, stuff from each other’s past and etc. Then well, you both need to sit and have that talk.
Every couple fights at point or another, over one thing or another. It shows the passion is still in the relationship. I’m not saying every couple should fight with each other all the time, but having a real argument about something reasonable is okay. For example, if you two do not argue about anything at all, it can mean that you two don’t really care about each other.
When I said ‘communication between the two is really important and that the couple should talk with each other more often’, I didn’t mean to only talk about the weather and the day and all, you have got to have those private conversations as well. It doesn’t always have to be that serious, even talking about something fun together is good. Also, you have to look for the things they share with you, and the things they want to have with you.
If they talk about a future ˜together’, like you two can talk about going to places together, have kids together, plan your future together you are in real relationship. But if they ignore these topics and try to talk about something else when you start talking about these, this is the relation you don’t want to have.
6. There is a power struggle
Letting go of your egos is essential for a sustainable relationship. You are in a relationship where someone always has to be right, it doesn’t matter how it affects your relationship, all that matters is being right! This means that there is a lack of love in the relationship, because when you are in love you are more flexible, more concerned about your partner’s feelings, being right doesn’t always matter.
Remember, winning an argument is not really a win in a relationship. Comprising is a big part of a healthy relationship. There can be times where the other person is wrong but you have got to step down to end the fight or the argument. There is a chance that they understand what you are trying to say, some other time. Maybe they were having a bad time, they were mad at something else and your argument made them react in a way they wouldn’t have. Now, if you think that the perfect outcome of an argument with your partner is the one where you are always right in the end then it is not true love at all. You clearly don’t care about your partner, all you care about is being right.
If you can cross your limits just to prove a point to someone, then that means your ego is big and you don’t care about that person. You can be right, but that doesn’t mean that you can say anything to the other person. You have got to be careful about their feelings as well. If a person can let go their ego and admit a fault they did not even commit, just for you, there is no other person more right for you than this one.
7. There is sexual chemistry….. ONLY
You guys are too hot for each other in the bed, but when it comes to talking and communication you guys are clueless or just not interested. The only way you guys feel in sync is by means of physical contact, this simply means you are in a carnal relationship, once the infatuation dies, so will the relationship. This is a very common, characteristic sign of a relationship being timely.
˜Friends with benefits’ is clearly not the relationship you’re looking for here. The relationship where you want to have real feelings, trust, passion and feel loved. It was said earlier in the article that mostly a relationship is created just to ˜get in your pants’. Many guys try to do that nowadays, they will say things to the girl that will make her feel like on top of the world, feel like she’s the only one for this guy, feel really loved, but it is only to have sexual relations with that girl. Girls are considered to be emotional and have more feelings than the guys. Guys use this very fact to their advantage and use their feelings to get in bed with them. The guys know what the girls want to hear, so they start talking like that and make them feel they are in a true relationship. Again, not every guy is like that.
People can come across as tempting and attractive, usually at the initial stages of the њrelationshipќ, this is because they are trying to win you over. They will try to flirt more with you, make you feel nice, seduce you in different ways and act like they are head over heels for you just to get what they want. Now there is definitely nothing wrong with all these flirting and romance, but the problem here is that, they are doing this, not because they are really interested in you, they are doing this just to get in bed with you.
8. You don’t know each other’s family and friends
A person who is serious about you, wants to make you a part of his life, will always introduce you to his friends and family. If it’s been a while and you still haven’t met each other’s family and it doesn’t seem to bother one or both of you, this means the person doesn’t want to get ‘too involved’ and has set limits to how far the relationship will go.
Doing this can mean a couple of things, one is that the person is not sure about you at all. He thinks that this relationship won’t last for long and you two will eventually break up so why bother and make you meet his parents or friends. Second, he is not interested in you at all. This can be for, as it was said earlier, for sexual reasons or time pass. So again, he won’t bother and invite you to meet his friends or family.
And it is not just up to them, you have to ask them as well, because if you don’t care about meeting his friends or family either, then well, there is no love and affection from your side either. If the person is really into you, and sees a future with you, he will very happily want to know more about your friends and family, and want to meet them as well. Similarly, it goes for his side as well, if there is true love and that ˜we’ll stay together forever’ feeling, he will want you to meet his circle of friends and family too.