When you’re sitting in front of your crush, there’s always the chance that you’ll forget everything you were going to say and end up sitting there, stuttering nervously.
It’s that “oh god, what should I say now?” moment that every guy dreads having. It’s understandable that you fear that moment because, well, who wants to experience the awkward silence? When you approach your crush, you’re for the most part at her mercy. She could accept the conversation or completely reject.
But, if she accepts to have a conversation with you, your goal isn’t just to talk to her. Your goal is to get her involved in the conversation where she’s just as equally invested into it as you are. If she’s fully invested in the conversation, then she’s invested in the interaction.
You don’t have to be Casanova or some male model in order to stimulate the mind of a woman. But you do have to be able to work off of what she’s giving into the interaction. To get the conversation going, you’ll need to show genuine attraction for her and show interest in discovering things about her. With that being said, you’ll need to have some topics ready in case you freeze and can’t come up with anything to say.
Everyone, regardless of gender, loves to talk about themselves. This is the easiest topic to use if you just want to listen to her talk, because, she’s going to go on and on. Which is great if you’re a good listener. You’ll be able to learn a lot about her and pick up information that you could use to ask about later on. Now, you don’t have to say, “tell me about yourself,” since it’s a pretty big question to ask someone. But you start off by asking about school or their family and then trail off from there.
Your common interests
If you are both in the same program at school, or at the same bar, then you two already have something in common. So, work off of that. Talk about where you both are at this moment and see what else she’s interested in. Maybe you two both love hip hop music, hence why you’re at an r&b club. Then, you’ll have the opportunity to talk about music. See how it just flows from one topic to the next? That’s how it should be. Find a common interest and then build off of it.
Questions and more questions
When in doubt, just ask questions. However, you don’t want it to sound like a job interview – that’ll become dull and boring quickly. Ask her a question, let her answer it, you can answer it as well and then see where it goes. She’ll probably ask you a question and then the conversation will just flow like that back and forth. However, if she’s not asking you anything, you should get the hint that she’s not interested. Save your questions for someone else.
Life, that’s a topic that never gets boring. Some people have very interesting lives while others have more mellow lives. Neither is good or bad, however, it’s always interesting to see the life of someone else, especially if you like them. May she has a really interesting story and you would have never have known unless you asked her. Don’t push too much for her to tell her personal information if she wants to tell you, she will. To jump start things, you can always start the topic by telling something personal about yourself. You don’t have to get too personal, but something a little deeper than your typical small talk should start off the conversation. You have to give her time to trust you, if you want her to open up to you about her life.
What you notice about her
Being examined by someone is always interesting. She gets to see what you notice about her and you don’t. Now, there’s nothing wrong with this, because we all have impressions about people. You can tell her that you noticed she’s very shy or has a great sense of humor, she’ll probably laugh and tell her a story about herself. But, also be prepared for her to tell you what she thinks about you as well. Don’t do this right away, let the conversation develop a bit and once you’ve developed a solid conversation, you can through this into the mix.
Now, sometimes this isn’t the best topic to discuss right away. However, if the conversation naturally leads there and usually it always does, why not talk about it? Has she had a boyfriend before and if so, how long did the relationship last. It’s important to see how they handle relationships and if they’re interested in a relationship or not. This will give you a heads up of what you can expect if this progresses.
Use the people around you
If you’re approaching her at a bar, club or some other social event, don’t be afraid to use the things around you for conversation. You can talk about mutual friends that you have with you or just people watch with her. You’ll be amazed at how fun it can be to watch people dance, drink and have a good time. Also, it doesn’t require you to talk that much, yet, you’ll still be spending time together, bonding.
Most women love to travel. Maybe she has yet to go on a trip or maybe she’s a huge traveller already. What the case, she where she wants to go and what would be the perfect holiday for her. Maybe you two both have the same dream destination or maybe she’s already been on a trip that you’ve dream on taking. Whatever the case, it’s great to see how someone else sees the world. Plus, you never, maybe down the road you two will be in a serious relationship and you’ll remember what she said to you on her first date. It pays off to pay listen.
What makes her wake up every morning? What are things that she dreams about doing in her life? When you talk about someone’s dream, you’ll see their face light up with passion and love. It’s a beautiful thing when someone shows you what truly makes them happy in life. Maybe you both have similar passions in life, but you’ll never know until you ask. Plus, you’ll get to see if she’s a motivated or laid-back individual.
Now, don’t touch on this topic unless you have a feeling that she’s interested in you. Then, you can lightly touch on this topic and test out her reaction. If she becomes uncomfortable, back off and talk about something else. However, if she’s engaging in the conversation then why not talk about both of your sexual experience? This is a great way to see what she’s into and what her sexual experience have been, whether they’re positive or negative.
Everyone has a hobby. If she considers a hobby being texting or posting a selfie on Instagram, well, then, that’s your answer. But usually, women have a variety of things that they do in their spare time, kickboxing, painting, dance, swimming. The list can go on and on. This is a great way to see if you two have similar hobbies and maybe if all goes well, you’ll be able to do your hobbies together.
Movies and music
Movies and music can actually show a lot about a person. What are her favourite movies and why? Same with music, when she’s alone in her bedroom, what does she listen to? They used to say the eyes are the window to the soul, which is true, but they forgot that movies and music are equally as useful. Usually, if you have different taste in music and movies, it’s safe you say that you’ll have less to connect on.
Go down memory lane
Everyone has a childhood. This is a great way to see how she grew up and what her family structure was like. You may not think that this is important, however, your childhood is the foundation for your adult life. So, you’ll be able to see who she really is. Plus, when you talk a walk down memory lane, she’ll tell you stories of her childhood and memories that are very personal to her. This is a great opportunity to connect on an intimate level as friends and family are the most important people around her.
Now that you have some solid topics in the back of your head, don’t be nervous when it comes to talking to her. You’re well prepared with great topics to bring up in conversation. And listen, if she’s not reacting to any of your tries, don’t worry, pull back and move on. It’s not worth wasting your time on someone who isn’t giving anything back to the conversation.