It happens. There are just some people who just fly off the rails a lot faster than other people. Does that mean that these people are undatable? Not necessarily.
And what if you’ve already fallen in love with someone like that? What are you supposed to do? Leave them? Subject yourself to their torment? Do you just sit still and pretty while they lash out at you every chance they get? It’s a very difficult topic to approach because all situations are different.
The first thing that you really have to establish is that your partner isn’t violent or abusive. If they are, then you need to take some really drastic measures here.
You really need to rethink the entire relationship as a whole. But if the anger is just intense to the point that it’s a mere inconvenience, then you don’t necessarily have to worry too much. There is a workaround to anger issues – and you can do your part in helping address these issues within your relationship.
1. Be the calm one in the relationship.
You aren’t going to be able to resolve your issues if the both of you are losing your cool. And since you know that your partner is the hot head, you need to be the one who stays calm. You need to be level-headed. You need to be the one who is providing sound reason to the situation when the emotions are just running too high. You need to be the one who is making sure that you are both thinking straight even when you are both way too upset.
2. Try to find out what’s really bothering them.
Remember that your partner isn’t angry for no reason. You need to be able to go straight to the source of all that anger. You need to find the root problem and address it head on. You can’t just be content with slapping Band-Aid solutions on there and expect those to fix things. You need to find the triggers of all the anger and eliminate them completely from the picture.
3. Give validation to their feelings.
Never make your partner feel like they’re just overreacting. Never give them the impression that you think they are being unreasonable with their feelings. Don’t make them think that their anger isn’t valid. Always make sure that you let them know that you understand where they’re coming from and why they’re angry; and how if you were in their position, you would be upset as well. You have to be able to let them know that you’re on their side.
4. Pay attention to what they’re saying.
Sometimes, a lot of frustration can come out of a lack of communication in the relationship. You would be surprised at how often couples fight because of miscommunication. That’s why you really need to make it a point to hear your partner out. Make sure that you are always willing to lend an ear to whenever they want to get something off their chest. You have to be able to give them a safe space of expression if you’re going to want to get to the root of all that anger.
5. Make sure that you’re being heard as well.
Aside from being able to listen to your partner, you also have to make sure that you are being listened to as well. You need to be able to assert yourself. Be honest and upfront about how your partner’s anger issues are affecting you and the relationship as a whole. And try your best to come to some sort of compromise with one another. You must both be willing to meet each other halfway if you’re going to save your relationship.
6. Channel your partner’s anger into something productive.
If you can’t suppress your partner’s anger, then at least try to channel it into something productive. Maybe you could suggest to your partner that the both of you take on more active lifestyles. This is great because it can help release the endorphins in your system; and it’s going to relieve you of the stress that the both of you are feeling. And on top of that, it gives you a chance to bond and get closer in your relationship.
7. Give your partner a hug.
A hug is a powerful act – and you should never underestimate its healing capabilities. When your partner is feeling particularly upset, go ahead and try giving them a hug. You are likely to find that a hug will be enough to suppress the animosity and tension of any situation. It’s also a great way to express your intimacy for your partner.
8. Don’t be too proud to apologize.
And finally, if you know that you are the cause of your partner’s anger – then just apologize. Swallow your pride. Don’t let your ego get in the way of your relationship. Say you’re sorry and learn from your mistakes.