It’s more common than you’d think.
Real quick, I want to really write pragmatically on 4 powerful ways to fix money issues in your relationship!
No matter how sweet a relationship might seem to look like, words and looks are not sufficient, as a matter of fact, words don’t put food on the table (except you are a comedian) money does! For example, picture a marriage where a stay-at-home mom does a great job by selling foodstuffs in front of the house, while her jobless husband spends the proceeds from the business willy-nilly. Such a situation can be resolved by using the following 4 tactics:
1. Shift thinking from financial assets to “marital assets”.
If a woman, for example, earns 500 hundred thousand Naira per-month and her husband makes just 80 thousand Naira per month, it doesn’t help the union if the wife adopts a superior attitude due to her larger salary. There should be financial cooperation amongst the partners as long as both parties are contributing to the marriage — not just monetarily but in time, talents, resources, child-rearing, etc. — it helps instead to view not two individual salaries but in terms of household/marital income. Decisions about who should pay bills and carter for expense should be made on that basis, not from the viewpoint that one person is better and more powerful than the other because of their income. Remember that cooperation is what makes rice full the pot!
2. Forgive Marital Debts
Just like in the real business world, you have assets and liabilities (debts). In every marriage, there is the likelihood of debts coming into play from time to time! A husband and a wife might have lovely shopping habits and that fact should be worked into a working budget that allows for both parties to buy the fun things they like, even as they decide the specific debts to pay off first, as dictated by the household budget.
For example, in a home where the woman likes wearing Brazilian wigs, you the husband have to understand this and capture it in the liability budget of the family! Likewise the husband too, you will have something you spend money on that is not really an asset, it is now left for the partners involved to forgive these marital debts as I have chosen to call it.
3. Allow shared access to funds.
As long as a husband or wife doesn’t have an issue that makes access to money dangerous — such as a drug problem or gambling habit that could bankrupt the family — equal access to the household income is a must.
Even if a husband and wife decide not to pool their incomes together in one bank account, both parties should know how to access the account of the other person — especially in case of emergencies. Eschew all setups that force one individual to beg the other one for money like a child, which could be a form of financial abuse.
4. Let the Money Flow
One of the biggest deterrents to financial abuse is recognizing that tables can turn. A six-figure earning husband who lords his income over his wife who is a full-time mom without considering her value should understand the benefits she brings to the table and his true source of revenue.
With her not working outside the home, the couple is likely saving the money they would have to pay for daycare, a maid, etc.
Most importantly, the moneymaking party should understand that their income is a blessing from above, and that just as easily as a wealthy husband could have his heaven-sent pay removed due to a bad attitude or abusive actions, the wife could experience a windfall through a lottery win or entrepreneurial efforts that turn her into the breadwinner.
Such a shift in favour would find the one-time breadwinner wanting a union based on mutual respect when it comes to money issues.